Saturday, April 7, 2012


No, not the bumbling fools who can be found in the pages of "Low Crimes and Misdemeanors" but real life jack booted, gun toting ordinance citing Government goons in every flavor, Federal, State, County, Municipal and Parish, clamping down on those benighted souls who seek to grow their own rutabagas.

And after all, why not? Has the FDA looked at your carrots, examined your broccoli, thumped your melons? Have those melons been approved by the State? Are you using too much water for those melons? What kind of carbon foot print do cherry tomatoes create? And is that a fertilizer, an herbicide or good Gawd-a-mighty, a pesticide?

How does the municipality feel about corn? Is that corn too high? Does your compost pass the sniff test? Are you qualified to manage a compost pile and is it a neighborhood nuisance? Do you have a license for those peppers?

Scoff scoff, you are scoffing, never happen. Buddy it already is.

Examine if you will the four raised beds in the front yard of Julie Bass, a highly dangerous woman who decided to fix up her front yard after work requiring major digging, by installing 4 decorative and well maintained raised bed with a variety of vegetables including - gasp! - tomatoes.

Down swept the armed and armored municipal thuggery of Oak Park, Michigan issuing first a warning, then a ticket with fine, then a filed misdemeanor charge, and finally a threat of 93 days in the slammer, if Ms. Bass did not immediately cease and desist from the growing of vegetables. Neighbors rose to her defense, news media rallied on the right side for once at finally all charges were dropped, as were various ancillary BS harassment tickets with which Oak Grove tried to batter this woman into submission.

But why did it become an issue at all?

Or imagine the unmitigated gall of Mr. Steve Miller who grew cabbages and other things on his 2 acres in DeKalb County, Georgia. This time the County goons swooped in, citing zoning violations and issuing fines totally $5000.00. Mr. Miller compounded his threat to mankind by actually selling some of his produce to neighbors and at a local farmers market. 

Eventually the zoning ordinance was waived, but presumably is still on the books. Mr. Miller is still on the hook for five grand.

Think this is an isolated incident? Not with the current trend at all levels of Government to regulate each bead of sweat that flows from the brow of its citizens. In time it will only become more prevalent and more effective, these people hate to be thwarted.

Be alert, my brothers and sisters of the hoe, the Garden Police are armed, dangerous, and definitely not a joke.

The A to Z Bloggery Challenge:



  1. Some bureaucrats are out of control and the system needs a good weeding and trimming. Bureaucracy will not be allowed to control my broccoli or spinach either, never mind cabbages. Period. This is enough to cause a revolution. The solution is old-fashioned western justice.

    1. I am with Ray. Get a rope.

  2. *blinks*

    Not sure what to say after that. Never heard of garden police.
    so umm...

    hmmm Hi.

    Dawn's Personal Writing Blog
    Dawn's General Writing Blog

  3. I know I'll never give up my pitch fork without a fight!

    1. Pitchforks are used to decorate the west end of a bureaucrat going east..":)