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Sunday, July 30, 2017

One of the best but least known holidays

It's "Best Butts in Buttzville, 2017, the fifth installment of same"!

Where?: Buttzville, New Jersey on Route 46 near the intersection with route 31 in Warren County.

When?: August 27, 2017

What?: Seriously? This is a question?



HERE IS A HINT

So get your butt to Buttsville on August 27th and enjoy the cheeky festivities!


Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Singular Adventure of, Well, Just Trust Us It's Pretty Damned Singular

DR. PHINEAS MOSSMITE AND WINKLE PICOT, SLEUTHERY AT ITS FINEST


"I say, Mossmite, things have been damnably quiet since that blasted chap Aardvark folded his tents, took the Bubblows site off the net and hauled ass for Bora Bora about a half step, I should judge, ahead of State and Federal authorities."

"Quiet indeed Picot." replied Dr. Phineas Mossmite. "But it's 'Arvin' and 'Bubblews', not to put to fine a point on it, and we don't know that anyone was actually in pursuit of him."

"Except of course, Mrs. Bilgepump. Bloody bastard was into her for twenty quid when he did a runner. Shouldn't like to be in his shoes when the old dear comes thundering down on him like a rogue elephant with a bide-a-wee thorn up it's arse."

"Indeed." replied Picot, flinching.

"Mossmite old chap, if I may digress for a moment, how is it that two youngish, up to date fellows dwelling in Hoboken in 2017 manage to speak, sound and read like relics from Victorian London?"


"I bring it up because our reader, Mrs. Abigail Potts-Chamberly expressed a certain degree of irritated bafflement regarding our dialogue."

"Well Picot", said Mossmite, producing his pipe, "You've got me. I blame the writer."

"As do we all." said Picot.


There will be yet more singularities. Some of them naked.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Adios, MF




Pack up all your left wing crap
While Donald takes his victory lap
Bye bye, Granny
Your future just became your past...
And I'm so glad to see the last
Of your fat fanny
Good luck with your upcoming expedition
To a country that won't honor extradition
Do not weep and do not wail
Just be glad you're not in jail
Granny, bye bye!

Friday, March 25, 2016

Old Bill C

I queried Bill 'bout his sordid past
"What sort of gal do you like?", I asked.
Intellectual types, or those who sport?
Do you like them tall or love them short?
Do you prefer them silent, or verbose?
Bill said: "I like them comatose."

Sunday, March 6, 2016

A Day at the Laundromat



Oh hi me hence to the laundromat
Bearing many a malodorous sock
As oftimes a shepherd will boldly go
To the babbling brook where the clear waters flow
With a line of the wooliest beasties in tow
(Or sometimes merely formed up in a row)
Which comprises his caprinaerious flock


A football jersey, meant for sports
Relegated now to work
A dozen holed and yellowed shorts
Which in a dank corner lurk
Some threadbare jeans and and faded tees
A brace of sweatpants lacking knees
And a woolen sweater, rife with fleas
I finds I must transports

As manly heart anticipates the finding of a laundromat queen
Perhaps a Vida Guerra clone
Or Jennifer Lawrence all alone
Or Charlotte McKinney, sans cell phone*
But it doesn't seem to be my day, none such are here, I ween.

When it comes to laundromatic love it seems I am "stuff" out of luck,
For the only lass who toils within
Sports globular frame and trebular chin
And more body hair than Rin Tin Tin
Much like Rosanne Barr with a silly grin, had her face impacted a truck.


*So she can't call for help.

Saturday, October 10, 2015

This load is definitely ready for the dryer

AIN'T SHE CUTE?

Hi ho for a day at the Laundromat, it's one of my favorite sports!
No wondering where the yellow went, it's there in my threadbare shorts.
My holy socks turn the water dark, and my whitish clothes as well,
I doubt that they ever do get clean but at least they no longer smell.



I spend the drying time hitting on the hot chick from Guatermeller,
But who is the dude with the machete blade, he seems quite an irritable feller?






CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?

 


Hey, calm down Bud how am I to know that the hot chick is your wife?
No need for thuggery, mayhem and gore nor all other forms of strife!




Well. In all my years at the laundromat I've learned to wash out mud.
Food stains and paint and litter box taint, and now I can tackle blood.
When next I visit the laundromat I'll leave Guatemalan chicks alone
Cause the blood I must wash from my tattered clothes?
All of it is my own.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

BUTTZVILLE NJ, WHERE YOU CAN LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND YOU

Man where does the time go?

Already, the fourth, yes I said FOURTH annual Best Butts in Buttzville Festival is hard upon us. All day and night, Saturday August 28th the sidewalks, streets, parks and by-ways of Buttzville will throng with resplendent rumps, puissant posteriors, gargantuan glutes, bodacious booties, titanic tushies and all around great asses!

Do not miss this world famous event!
 


OOOOH!


AHHHHH!

YIKES!

YUMMMM!

   
SOMETIMES THE BEAR EATS YOU!




Make your plans and buy your tickets, Best Butts in Buttzville comes but once a year!