Saturday, May 19, 2018

Johann Elert Bode just doesn't get enough credit these days

Whilst seated upon the commode,
An astronomer, Johann Elert Bode
Found a celestial law
Which had nary a flaw
Which he phrased in the form of an ode.

Each planet you see is removed from the sun
By a distance twice farther than the preceeding one
Not a half, I lament
Not three hundred percent
But just twice! (Now isn't this fun?)

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Cabbage and chicken soup


You will need:

A cabbage
A very large onion
A pound of boneless chicken breast
A pound or so of chicken tenderloin
Fresh garlic or garlic powder
Chicken broth

In a skillet melt some butter, and add a little salt and either fresh crushed garlic or some garlic powder.

Slice the chicken into thumb sized pieces and add to the butter in the skillet. If you have an extraordinarily large thumb such as the one the late Andre the Giant sported, think of someone with a smaller thumb and slice the bits of chicken to match the smaller digit.


Slice some cabbage thinly, then chop the slices, add to the skillet.

Slice the onion thinly, quarter the slices and place in the skillet.

Stir and flip the contents to coat the ingredients with butter and to promote even cooking.

In a large saucepan start some chicken broth heating.

When the chicken is mostly cooked transfer the entire contents of the skillet to the saucepan. Allow to simmer until you are certain that the chicken has been thoroughly cooked and the cabbage is soft and tender.

The soup is now ready to eat.

Note: This is the basic soup, but noodles, macaroni or pre-cooked rice can be added, as can carrots, peas or other veggies.

Or ball bearings for that matter but I don't endorse the idea.

This is also good with boneless pork ribs substituted for the chicken!


Sunday, July 30, 2017

One of the best but least known holidays

It's "Best Butts in Buttzville, 2017, the fifth installment of same"!

Where?: Buttzville, New Jersey on Route 46 near the intersection with route 31 in Warren County.

When?: August 27, 2017

What?: Seriously? This is a question?


So get your butt to Buttsville on August 27th and enjoy the cheeky festivities!

Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Singular Adventure of, Well, Just Trust Us It's Pretty Damned Singular


"I say, Mossmite, things have been damnably quiet since that blasted chap Aardvark folded his tents, took the Bubblows site off the net and hauled ass for Bora Bora about a half step, I should judge, ahead of State and Federal authorities."

"Quiet indeed Picot." replied Dr. Phineas Mossmite. "But it's 'Arvin' and 'Bubblews', not to put to fine a point on it, and we don't know that anyone was actually in pursuit of him."

"Except of course, Mrs. Bilgepump. Bloody bastard was into her for twenty quid when he did a runner. Shouldn't like to be in his shoes when the old dear comes thundering down on him like a rogue elephant with a bide-a-wee thorn up it's arse."

"Indeed." replied Picot, flinching.

"Mossmite old chap, if I may digress for a moment, how is it that two youngish, up to date fellows dwelling in Hoboken in 2017 manage to speak, sound and read like relics from Victorian London?"

"I bring it up because our reader, Mrs. Abigail Potts-Chamberly expressed a certain degree of irritated bafflement regarding our dialogue."

"Well Picot", said Mossmite, producing his pipe, "You've got me. I blame the writer."

"As do we all." said Picot.

There will be yet more singularities. Some of them naked.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Adios, MF

Pack up all your left wing crap
While Donald takes his victory lap
Bye bye, Granny
Your future just became your past...
And I'm so glad to see the last
Of your fat fanny
Good luck with your upcoming expedition
To a country that won't honor extradition
Do not weep and do not wail
Just be glad you're not in jail
Granny, bye bye!

Friday, March 25, 2016

Old Bill C

I queried Bill 'bout his sordid past
"What sort of gal do you like?", I asked.
Intellectual types, or those who sport?
Do you like them tall or love them short?
Do you prefer them silent, or verbose?
Bill said: "I like them comatose."

Sunday, March 6, 2016

A Day at the Laundromat

Oh hi me hence to the laundromat
Bearing many a malodorous sock
As oftimes a shepherd will boldly go
To the babbling brook where the clear waters flow
With a line of the wooliest beasties in tow
(Or sometimes merely formed up in a row)
Which comprises his caprinaerious flock

A football jersey, meant for sports
Relegated now to work
A dozen holed and yellowed shorts
Which in a dank corner lurk
Some threadbare jeans and and faded tees
A brace of sweatpants lacking knees
And a woolen sweater, rife with fleas
I finds I must transports

As manly heart anticipates the finding of a laundromat queen
Perhaps a Vida Guerra clone
Or Jennifer Lawrence all alone
Or Charlotte McKinney, sans cell phone*
But it doesn't seem to be my day, none such are here, I ween.

When it comes to laundromatic love it seems I am "stuff" out of luck,
For the only lass who toils within
Sports globular frame and trebular chin
And more body hair than Rin Tin Tin
Much like Rosanne Barr with a silly grin, had her face impacted a truck.

*So she can't call for help.