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Monday, August 27, 2018

Are you ready for "Best Butts in Buttzville" day?

OF COURSE IT'S A REAL PLACE!



A Best Butts in Buttzville celebration falls on the first Saturday following August 27th unless August 27th itself is a Saturday in which case the 27th is the Holiday.


This year the great event falls on September 1.

It takes place in the unincorporated town of Buttzville, in groovy western New Jersey. It may be reached from routes 46, 31 and I-80.

The town features a hot dog stand,

THAT'S IT

And a post office,

USED TO BE A GAS STATION

And not one whole heck of a lot more. Except for lots of great butts in late summer.

There is a rumor that Kim Kardashian has her Christmas cards mailed from this office, just for the post mark but I cannot confirm this.
The day itself is an unabashed celebration of the worlds greatest butts.


NOOOOOOO!

Not a sackbutt although I'm sure if one were to show up everyone would be pleased to see a Renaissance era saxophone. 

But the founders had this sort of butt in mind.


YIKES!

Yes that is correct. It seems peculiar that this tiny backwater community would host the worlds foremost celebration of attention grabbing glutes but this is in fact the case. Come and see for yourself!

Just don't bring these!

YUCK!

None of these are welcome, although I'm sure folks will litter . Some people just can't help themselves.

BUT THIS IS MORE APPROPRIATE


There might be a few butts of ale and beer around to slake the thirst of the sun parched horde, it would not be surprising if there were. (Although there is no guarantee!)

MIGHT EVEN BE A HOGSHEAD OR TWO, BUT LET'S NOT BE CRITICAL OF OUR BRETHREN AND CISTERN

Buttsville is a kind of red-neckity town with it's fair share of self sufficient bow hunting types so shooting at the butts, (an archaic word for "target") is not out of the question.


OBVIOUSLY A GREAT SHOT



HOPE IT ISN'T RAINING


There may even be some butts shooting at the butts, one never do know, do one?

Great butts are where you find them, the many tourists attending are always eager to flaunt their own, but check out the many, occasional shop or business in Buttsville.

I'm not certain if there is a gun shop in  Buttzville,


LOCKED AND LOADED

Or a laundromat,

INSERT YOUR OWN SPIN CYCLE COMMENT HERE

Or a pistol range for that matter.

KA-BOOM!
It is your responsibility to find out!


So get YOUR butt over to Buttsville on Saturday September 1, or YOU may become...(drum roll),




The butt of every joke for the next year!

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Johann Elert Bode just doesn't get enough credit these days


Whilst seated upon the commode,
An astronomer, Johann Elert Bode
Found a celestial law
Which had nary a flaw
Which he phrased in the form of an ode.

Each planet you see is removed from the sun
By a distance twice farther than the preceeding one
Not a half, I lament
Not three hundred percent
But just twice! (Now isn't this fun?)

Sunday, October 29, 2017

Cabbage and chicken soup

SOUP!


You will need:

A cabbage
A very large onion
A pound of boneless chicken breast
or
A pound or so of chicken tenderloin
Fresh garlic or garlic powder
Salt
Chicken broth
Butter

In a skillet melt some butter, and add a little salt and either fresh crushed garlic or some garlic powder.

Slice the chicken into thumb sized pieces and add to the butter in the skillet. If you have an extraordinarily large thumb such as the one the late Andre the Giant sported, think of someone with a smaller thumb and slice the bits of chicken to match the smaller digit.



THAT'S A BIG THUMB

Slice some cabbage thinly, then chop the slices, add to the skillet.

Slice the onion thinly, quarter the slices and place in the skillet.

Stir and flip the contents to coat the ingredients with butter and to promote even cooking.

In a large saucepan start some chicken broth heating.

When the chicken is mostly cooked transfer the entire contents of the skillet to the saucepan. Allow to simmer until you are certain that the chicken has been thoroughly cooked and the cabbage is soft and tender.

The soup is now ready to eat.

Note: This is the basic soup, but noodles, macaroni or pre-cooked rice can be added, as can carrots, peas or other veggies.

Or ball bearings for that matter but I don't endorse the idea.

This is also good with boneless pork ribs substituted for the chicken!

Enjoy!










Sunday, July 30, 2017

One of the best but least known holidays

It's "Best Butts in Buttzville, 2017, the fifth installment of same"!

Where?: Buttzville, New Jersey on Route 46 near the intersection with route 31 in Warren County.

When?: August 27, 2017

What?: Seriously? This is a question?



HERE IS A HINT

So get your butt to Buttsville on August 27th and enjoy the cheeky festivities!


Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Singular Adventure of, Well, Just Trust Us It's Pretty Damned Singular

DR. PHINEAS MOSSMITE AND WINKLE PICOT, SLEUTHERY AT ITS FINEST


"I say, Mossmite, things have been damnably quiet since that blasted chap Aardvark folded his tents, took the Bubblows site off the net and hauled ass for Bora Bora about a half step, I should judge, ahead of State and Federal authorities."

"Quiet indeed Picot." replied Dr. Phineas Mossmite. "But it's 'Arvin' and 'Bubblews', not to put to fine a point on it, and we don't know that anyone was actually in pursuit of him."

"Except of course, Mrs. Bilgepump. Bloody bastard was into her for twenty quid when he did a runner. Shouldn't like to be in his shoes when the old dear comes thundering down on him like a rogue elephant with a bide-a-wee thorn up it's arse."

"Indeed." replied Picot, flinching.

"Mossmite old chap, if I may digress for a moment, how is it that two youngish, up to date fellows dwelling in Hoboken in 2017 manage to speak, sound and read like relics from Victorian London?"


"I bring it up because our reader, Mrs. Abigail Potts-Chamberly expressed a certain degree of irritated bafflement regarding our dialogue."

"Well Picot", said Mossmite, producing his pipe, "You've got me. I blame the writer."

"As do we all." said Picot.


There will be yet more singularities. Some of them naked.

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Adios, MF




Pack up all your left wing crap
While Donald takes his victory lap
Bye bye, Granny
Your future just became your past...
And I'm so glad to see the last
Of your fat fanny
Good luck with your upcoming expedition
To a country that won't honor extradition
Do not weep and do not wail
Just be glad you're not in jail
Granny, bye bye!

Friday, March 25, 2016

Old Bill C

I queried Bill 'bout his sordid past
"What sort of gal do you like?", I asked.
Intellectual types, or those who sport?
Do you like them tall or love them short?
Do you prefer them silent, or verbose?
Bill said: "I like them comatose."