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Monday, December 10, 2012

INSPIRED TO WRITE

Poetry:* I must write







What's this that comes to make me ill?

Dear Lord, it is the cable bill!

For the vapid shows I watch each night,

I owe a bundle, I must write.



A check! Or maybe go on line, and pay them thus,

Won't that be fine?





But my 'puter suffers viral blight.

Pass the check book. I must write.






*Using the word in its loosest sense.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

GIVE ME AN ALASKAN HOME


Ode to Alaska






Oh give me a home in the suburbs of Nome,
where the bear and the caribou play.
Where the frostbite doth tickle,
and my ear's an icicle,
and its dark twenty hours a day!





Oh no I'm deranged!
And I'm up to my tookus in ice.
Its too cold to grow oats,
and the wolves ate my goats,
and the pie is too frozen to slice.

©2012 Mac Pike All Rights Reserved
 
 
WHAT WE LIKE TO CALL "A SING ALONG" IN NOME
 

Sunday, December 2, 2012

SIZE DOES MATTER


IT PAYS TO DREAM BIG



TRACY

 



Tracy was a stripper; she worked the go-go lounges, 
Selling dreams to biker men, and cops, and other scrounges.
She left her home to prosper in the clubs of San Hose,
Her legs were long, her bottom schweet! Her boobs alas, just “A”.
 




She had an A-team dancer’s moves, she had grace and charm and pluck,
And when it came to cuteness she’d disgrace a baby duck.
She could work the floor and work the bar her people skills were deep,
The way she buffed the old brass pole made Jaded patrons weep!

 
 

But when she counted up her tips they barely made a dent,
In the car and light and phone bills; forget about the rent!
As Tracy left the club one night Bill the bouncer caught her frown,
He led her to a table and he said, “Hey kid, sit down.”
 

He signaled to a waitress, “Trixie, set us up with shooters!”
Then turning round to Tracey said, “The problem is your hooters."
Oh the fellows really like you; they love to watch you wiggle,
But to separate them from their pay you’ll need some frontal jiggle.”
 

Tracy clutched her chest and said, “How can this cruelness be?
I cannot be a jiggly gal, all I’ve got is what you see!”
“Trace, take this, it holds the cure.” – And Trace required no urgin’,
Bill handed her a business card: “Sol Goldstein, Plastic Surgeon”
 




Next morning at the clinic Trace said “Doctor Solly please!
Can you help a Sister out and turn these into “B’s”?”
“Ho, ho,” the kindly doctor laughed, “Dear girl, it is no trouble,
To turn those bee stings into “D’s”. Said Trace, “Make those a double.”
 




Now Trace lives in Monaco in a mansion by the sea.
She drives a Bentley and a Jag and Royals come for tea.
She has a cook, a parlor maid, and a butler (his name’s Bill),
She dances sometimes just for fun and to give the crowd a thrill.
 




She sips her champagne cocktail on the fantail of her yacht,
And reflects some times in wonder on the good things she has got.
As she oils her phony assets she is sometimes moved to snigger,
It’s amazing what a girl can do, if only she’ll dream bigger.
 

Saturday, December 1, 2012

KNOW YOUR BIRDS

Do you know what is on your bird feeder?




This is a red headed woodpecker and he should be encouraged to attend.




This is a red headed peckerwood and he should be slapped repeatedly with a halibut until he goes away.

No need to thank us.