S IS FOR STILL

S is for still waters. They may or may not run deep but there is no telling what might lay just beneath the surface. Moby Bass? Mighty Joe Muskie? A canoe full of crappie? A misty morning on a glass-surfaced lake holds promise of a great many things. Most of all, of a memorable morning outing.

S is for still cute. What is cuter that a pair of adorable kittens? Not too much, especially when they are tiny lynx kitties. (With very big feet!)

S is for still silly. Nearly as cute as tiny lynx kitties there is still no rational explanation for Pineapple Girl. Why is she wandering around bearing a Hawaiian fruit and a silly grin?

It is still a mystery.We may never know.

S is for Uncle Pete's still. I never knew Uncle Pete, he moved on to the great speakeasy in the sky before I was born. But I know he spent the prohibition years protecting his fellow Americans from the foolishness of their own government by keeping a reasonably whiskey like product always close at hand.

We speak of him with reverence, still.

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T IS FOR TARPON

The tarpon! The tarpon! Most athletic of catches!

With aerial skills that no other fish matches!

He soars through the air so agile, so easily,

Like that daring young man on his flying trapezily!

He's big and he's bad! He is silvery of scale,

He'll dive for the bottom when other ploys fail.

And just when you think that he's lashed to an anchor,

He'll flash through the sky like a KC-5 tanker!

The tarpon! The tarpon! A marvelous fish!

Too ginormous to serve on a platter or dish!

Too humongous for fry pan or microwave oven!

He won't fit in the broiler, it's no use to shove him!

If you've beaten a tarpon, and subdued his great strength,

It's best just to weigh him and measure his length,

Perhaps take his picture, and cackle with glee,

And toss that fine fishy straight back in the sea.

To invite him as dinner, as we've seen, is a waste,

It's not just his size, it's a matter of taste.

Hand dig if you will a huge barbecue pit;

You have wasted your labors, tarpon taste just like shit.

©2012 Mac Pike All Rights Reserved

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R IS FOR REMINGTON

Colt, Winchester, Remington. The names are synonymous with the birth of the nation and with the taming of the old West in particular. Remington Arms, however got its start in the old East, in Ilion New York, to be precise, in 1816.

Eliphalet Remington (really, you can't make a name like that up) was the son of a blacksmith and a blacksmith himself. He decided to build his own rifle, a not uncommon practice in those days and when he took a second place prize at a regional shooting match with it he received so many orders that he overnight became a firearms manufacturer.

Remington Arms became involved in mass conversions of flintlock rifles and muskets to percussion cap systems, and also designed and manufactured some unusual products of their own, like the 4 barrel model 1861 .32 derringer shown above. The "New Model" Army 

.44 was a reliable handgun in it's day, and this cap and ball repeater remains a much sought after collectors item on the modern market.

Remington is probably most famous for their sportsman's rifles and shotguns; the model 870 pump action shotgun at the top of the page in many, many variants including tactical is the most widely produced shotgun in history, and with nearly 5 decades behind it, is still going strong. The model 700 sporting rifle is equally well known and sought after.

Available in civilian, police and military versions the 700 has been a fixture on the world arms scene since 1962 and shows no signs of slowing down. It is available in an enormous variety of center fire cartridges ranging from the petite .17 caliber to the elephant crushing .458 magnum.

There are a number of interesting facts about Remington Arms. It has the distinction of being the oldest company in the United States - since 1816 - to manufacture its original product. It is the only US company to manufacture both its firearms and ammunition domestically. It is the worlds largest distributor of civilian rifles and shotguns, and when it went into the typewriter business in 1878 it spawned the company that would eventually become Remington Rand.

Remington Arms, a part of the American scene for 196 years, and what "R" is for today!

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Q IS FOR QAT

Qat! Yes we all know what it is! A Middle Eastern plant with alkaloids galore in its young and tender leaves, much esteemed for its narcotic properties. This lends it both social and economic importance in many, many corners of the globe.

Some countries attempt to control and regulate qat.

But innevitably qat gets out of the bag.

When that happens good friends frequently gather to chew the qat.

But this is not really why qat is important.

Qat becomes of premium importance when you have to get rid of a "Q" in a hurry, and there is no "U" available!

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P IS FOR POSTOSUCHUS

Disambiguation: If you were looking for information about the historical period following the brief reign of the Carolingian usurper, Osuchus, who ruled for 18 days in 743 before being bloodily de-throned by Charles the Phillips Head Screwdriver, oldest son of Charles the Hammer, click THIS.

We are referring to Postosuchus the nightmare from the late Triassic, some 220 million years ago.

Postosuchus was an ugly looking customer; on all fours it looked a bit like a really nasty crocodile but on four long legs, standing and running upright like a dog or cat, very unusual for a reptile. It's rear legs were also about 35% longer than the front, so most scientists believe it reared back and did a T-rex imitation from time to time, probably to amuse the kids. Of course, T-rex, had he been present would have had Post-O for lunch, being many times its size.

Postosuchus was neither dinosaur nor crocodile, but an archosaur of the Rauisuchian line which essentially means that it was a proto-dinosaur of the same lineage that spawned crocodiles, birds and dinosaurs.

15' long, 6.5 tall on all fours and significantly taller in bi-ped mode, Posty averaged about 700 lbs. A really big one might go 20' and tip the scales a 1000 lbs.

Postosuchus was a lot like today's Federal Government, rapaciously consuming everything it could get its teeth into. One notorious specimen was found with no less than three medium sized contemporary critters in its gut, leading one to suspect it died of indigestion.

Had there been Tums 200 million years ago, Postosuchus might be with us today. Of course, cryptozoologists don't rule out the survival of anything so just be careful when you answer the door bell, and count the number of rings. (The postosuchus always rings twice.)

If you want to know more about this singularly unattractive creature, there are two mildly relevant articles HERE and HERE.

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O is for OH! oh. Oh oh oh OH!

Of course it is, what else would it be for? And of course everyone immediately recognizes all the "Ohs" as the refrain from the silly love song "Everybody" sung by the equally silly Ingrid Michealson, or "Ingy-Bingy" as we like to call her. What, you say? You don't know this song? Where have you been living for the last cupla years? Well lets rectify (pronounce that word with care) that oversight right HERE!

Wasn't that wonderful?

Now, the problem with this sappy, saccharin bit of fluff as that like ALL sappy, saccharin fluff pieces it gets stuck in your head and the next thing you know, there you are capering around the machine shop singing "Oh, OH oh oh oh OH!"

Ruins your reputation and earns you some interesting nick names, that sort of behavior!

Worse, you get so that you want to help Ingy-Bingy out with the lyrics and you starting belting out gems like :"Everybody everybody feels for love,  everybody everybody peels for love, everybody everybody squeals for LOOOVVVE!" 

Folks start taking the children and even the pets indoors when they see you on the streets!

Worse, this dam song worms it's way into other aspects of you life and before ya know it's: "Everybody everybody needs the chard, everybody everybody seeds the chard, everybody everybody weeds the chaaarrrd!"

At Wooly Acres its needs, breeds and feeds the goats, oh I tell ya!

Aroint thee, vile tune and the guitar you rode in on!

And that is what "O" is for.

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N IS FOR NORTHERN PIKE

Gather 'round as I tell of the Great Northern Pike

That I nailed to the wall of my den, with a spike

With each passing moment it smells worse and worse

It might have been wiser to have it stuffed first.

The Great Northern Pike! What angler doesn't want to haul this giant predator out of the stainless blue waters of his or her favorite lake? The Northern Pike is Europe's largest freshwater predatory fish and one of North America's as well, and sought far and wide for it's trophy, gustatory and bragging qualities.

Esox Lucious, as it is known in the zoological world has been caught for ages in European rivers and impoundments and it is from a Teutonic tarn that we have the current worlds record, a 58" 68 lb. monster. 

North American waters hold larger fish like the primitive alligator gar and the pikes near relation, the muskellunge and pike in the high 40 lb range are rare, but are definitely there to be caught. Many types of artificial lures as well as live bait are effective for Northerns, as they are definitely of that  "eats anything that doesn't eat it first" predation category.

An awful thing happened 'bout this time last year,

as Mike took a leak from the end of the pier.

We heard a loud splash and a great scream from Mike,

for he'd been circumcised by a Great Norther Pike.

Well I'm certain that's apocryphal. But Northerns are big rambunctious fish with hundreds if not thousands of needle sharp teeth, and the unwary novice who tries to subdue one with the time honored bass fisherman's trick of squeezing the lower jaw between thumb (inside the mouth) and hand (outside) will at best have a very interesting looking thumb for a very long time.

Pike are a lot of fun to catch, and if you catch them at the right time - usually spring and fall, summer tends to be the dog days of Pike fishing - you can often catch more than one titan per outing, as THIS video so vividly reveals. On the other hand, some benighted individuals may spend the better part of a lifetime in pursuit of a finny giant. At least they have had the enjoyment of a good day on the lake. 

On many a Pike quest Bill Clinton strode forth,

but he never could catch a Great Pike, from the North.

Tho he caught him some salmon, and brook trout by golly,

And his limit of crabs from a bar maid named Molly.

Hoodle dang polly i-do, hoodle dang polly ey.

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