Are you ready for "Best Butts in Buttzville" day?

OF COURSE IT'S A REAL PLACE!

A Best Butts in Buttzville celebration falls on the first Saturday following August 27th unless August 27th itself is a Saturday in which case the 27th is the Holiday.

This year the great event falls on September 1.

It takes place in the unincorporated town of Buttzville, in groovy western New Jersey. It may be reached from routes 46, 31 and I-80.

The town features a hot dog stand,

THAT'S IT

And a post office,

USED TO BE A GAS STATION

And not one whole heck of a lot more. Except for lots of great butts in late summer.

There is a rumor that Kim Kardashian has her Christmas cards mailed from this office, just for the post mark but I cannot confirm this.

The day itself is an unabashed celebration of the worlds greatest butts.

NOOOOOOO!

Not a sackbutt although I'm sure if one were to show up everyone would be pleased to see a Renaissance era saxophone. 

But the founders had this sort of butt in mind.

YIKES!

Yes that is correct. It seems peculiar that this tiny backwater community would host the worlds foremost celebration of attention grabbing glutes but this is in fact the case. Come and see for yourself!

Just don't bring these!

YUCK!

None of these are welcome, although I'm sure folks will litter . Some people just can't help themselves.

BUT THIS IS MORE APPROPRIATE

There might be a few butts of ale and beer around to slake the thirst of the sun parched horde, it would not be surprising if there were. (Although there is no guarantee!)

MIGHT EVEN BE A HOGSHEAD OR TWO, BUT LET'S NOT BE CRITICAL OF OUR BRETHREN AND CISTERN

Buttsville is a kind of red-neckity town with it's fair share of self sufficient bow hunting types so shooting at the butts, (an archaic word for "target") is not out of the question.

OBVIOUSLY A GREAT SHOT

HOPE IT ISN'T RAINING

There may even be some butts shooting at the butts, one never do know, do one?

Great butts are where you find them, the many tourists attending are always eager to flaunt their own, but check out the many, occasional shop or business in Buttsville.

I'm not certain if there is a gun shop in  Buttzville,

LOCKED AND LOADED

Or a laundromat,

INSERT YOUR OWN SPIN CYCLE COMMENT HERE

Or a pistol range for that matter.

KA-BOOM!

It is your responsibility to find out!

So get YOUR butt over to Buttsville on Saturday September 1, or YOU may become...(drum roll),

The butt of every joke for the next year!

Johann Elert Bode just doesn't get enough credit these days

Whilst seated upon the commode,
An astronomer, Johann Elert Bode
Found a celestial law
Which had nary a flaw
Which he phrased in the form of an ode.

Each planet you see is removed from the sun
By a distance twice farther than the preceeding one
Not a half, I lament
Not three hundred percent
But just twice! (Now isn't this fun?)