COTTAGE INDUSTRY

Need a few extra dollars? If you do not, then what is your secret? if you do and live in the right type of geography here is a cottage industry that can put several hundred to over a thousand dollars extra per month into the family coffers.

COTTAGE NOT ACTUALLY REQUIRED

In order for this to work out for you, these parameters must be met:

You must live in a relatively rural environment.

The climate must be such that people burn firewood for fuel.

You must be capable of some minimal level of physical labor.

You hopefully have not pissed off the local Government, or your immediate neighbors.

You own or have access to, a minimal tool kit of a chain saw, a sledge hammer and at least one splitting wedge.

HAMMER, WEDGE AND CHAIN SAW ARE VITAL. THE RED HANDLED OBJECT - A HEAVY DUTY WOOD SPLITTING MAUL - IS DESIRABLE, IT SPLITS MANY WOODS QUITE EASILY. THE STURDY KNIFE IS ALSO QUITE USEFUL FOR MARKING CUT SIZES AND OTHER PURPOSES AS WELL, BUT KNIFE AND MAUL ARE NOT STRICTLY SPEAKING, ESSENTIAL. THE VODKA MAY WELL BE, BUT ONLY WHEN WORK IS COMPLETED. EMERGENCY ROOM PERSONNEL HAVE A NAME FOR PEOPLE WHO USE A CHAIN SAW WHILE HALF IN THE BAG, AND IT IS NOT ONE YOU WOULD WISH TO BE CALLED.*

 

So what is this business? As you may have guessed, it is cutting, splitting and selling (usually on the honor system) small stacks of firewood from your front lawn. Stacks costing $5.00, $10.00 and if you can get enough wood, $20.00 are usually best. Many folks simply stick to $5.00 amounts and let the customer work out his own multiples.

Payment system can be as simple as leaving a coffee jar lying on the ground with a note on it "Put wood money here".

$5.00 STACKS - NOTE CASH BOX LAG SCREWED INTO A STUMP. THIS IS PURELY COSMETIC IF SOMEONE WANTS TO RIP YOU OFF THEY WILL. IT WILL ALMOST NEVER HAPPEN. AND EVENTUALLY, YOU WILL CATCH THEM.

Is it work? Sure is but it is good for you. Is it money? You bet. I won't tell you how much because next thing you know the State and the Feds will have a firewood patrol slithering greasily around looking to grab some taxes to which they are not entitled. (In my opinion).

Of course you could keep records and pay taxes like a good boy or girl but I say, enough is enough!

Now go sharpen your chain saw!



*However, it rhymes with "claiming bass pole"

SOLE MAN

Comin' to yuh, on a real nice boat,
When it comes to fishin', man I ain't no scrote!
Got a brand new net, got the strongest line,
When I start fishin', Lord that fishin's fine!

I'm a soooooole man!
Badababadapadapbada!
I'm a soooooole man!
Dootdootboodlydoot!